“Don’t judge me!” has become the cliché for many Muslims. They often use this phrase (Don’t Judge Me!) to run away from advice or justify their wrongful actions. Meanwhile, some are sincere, and if given the Islamic knowledge concerning their actions, they will repent and resolve not to commit the same misdeeds. On the other hand, some will rather pull the “Don’t Judge Me!” card to justify their mistakes and follow their desires. The phrase “don’t judge me” is laced with unspoken subtext, and its utterance carries additional sentiments: “don’t think less of me”; “don’t think I am a bad person”; “don’t think you are better than me.”
Those that rebel against Islamic principles will continue to sin publicly and proudly, even after knowing the Islamic ruling of their actions. They will always display the “Don’t Judge Me!” ticket to get away with their bad deeds.
- Not praying regularly? “Don’t Judge Me!”
- Not fasting in the month of Ramadan? “Don’t Judge Me!”
- Not paying the Zakat? “Don’t Judge Me!”
- Not wearing the Hijab? “Don’t Judge Me! Faith is about the heart, not the appearance.”
- Not going to the Masjid? “Don’t Judge Me!”
- Aligning with Secular Liberal Feminists? “Don’t Judge Me!”
- Engaging in Riba (Interest taking)? “Don’t Judge Me!”
Drinking alcohol and taking drugs? “Don’t Judge Me!”
It is simple; to stop being judged is to stop doing things that are judgmental.
The companions of the Prophet (SAW) would rather thank the person who had advised them to fear Allah and to correct their mistakes. On the contrary, today if a brother or sister questions our behaviour, we feel we are being judged or insulted. So, we would say, “Don’t Judge Me! You aren’t perfect, so you can’t tell me what to do.” Really? If that is the case, then Allah (SwT – Subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) wouldn’t send down His Prophets and Messengers to come and warn us, give caution against the disobedience to Allah (SwT ) and to give glad tidings like a sincere advisor does. As human beings, by nature, we are forgetful, weak, and careless. So yes, it is true, we all make mistakes. In fact, we cannot live our lives without sins. After all, we are human beings and not Angels.
However, we need to admit the fact that we could have done something wrong; we should also be thankful that we have someone who has come to advise us and bring us closer to Allah (SwT). Remember that, the one who really loves and cares for you is the one who calls you to the course of Allah (AwJ- Azza wa Jalla, AwJ).
Why do we have to advise one another? Or why should we be bothered as to what others do?
In the glorious Qur’an, Allah (SwT) has tasked us (Muslims) to invite one another to all that is good and forbid all that Islam has forbidden. Allah (SwT) tells us to:
And let there be [arising] from you a nation inviting to [all that is] good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, and those will be the successful. (Qur’an 03:104, trans. Sahih International, Qt03:110)
Mind you, the group of people mentioned in the above verse does not refer to any specific group of people in the Ummah (Muslimdom). Any Muslim, either male or female, could be part of this group.
We need to also understand that, providing nasiihah (sincere advice) by enjoining the good and forbidding the evil is an integral part of our religion, Islam, as Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) tells us in the Qur’an:
You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong… (Qur’an 03:110, trans. Sahih International, Qt03:110)
Again, the Ummah is like a whole system. If one part of it is infected (with sin), it affects and weakens the whole system. We are also worried that if we as Ummah fail to honour this duty of enjoining what is good and forbidden what is wrong or evil, then it may spread throughout the entire Ummah, and it will now deserve the cursed of Allah (SwT). We have the story of how the people of Musah (AS- alayhi al-Salam) were denied of rain because of the actions of one man (Ibn Qudaamah, Kitaab At-Tawwaabeen). We also have in the Qur’an that Allah (SwT) cursed those among the Children of Israel (the Judhists) who disbelieved because they failed to forbid one another from evil actions. Allah informs us:
Cursed were those who disbelieved among the Children of Israel by the tongue of David and of Jesus, the son of Mary. That was because they disobeyed and [habitually] transgressed. They used not to prevent one another from wrongdoing that they did. How wretched was that which they were doing. (Qur’an 5:78-9, trans. Sahih International, Qt5:78., Qt5:79.)
Abu Bakr Al-Siddiq (RA- radiy Allahu ‘anhu) narrates:
I heard Allah’s Messenger (SAW) say, “When people see something objectionable and do not change it, Allah will soon include them all in His punishment. [Al-Tirmidhi, 5142]
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) also said:
If you see a munkar (un-Islamic act), you change it with your hand; and if you cannot do that, then change it with your mouth (speak out against it); and if you cannot do [even] that, then forbid it in your heart – and that is the least of belief. [Muslim, 40 Hadith Nawawi, 34]
Some Etiquettes of Giving a Sincere Advice
Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best. Indeed, your Lord is most knowing of who has strayed from His way, and He is most knowing of who is [rightly] guided. (Qur’an 16:125, trans. Sahih International, Qt16:125.)
Purifying Intentions
Before advising a brother or sister, we must purify our intentions to advise sincerely for the sake of Allah (SwT). In our attempt to advise, our intentions must be sincerely pure with the desire to help a brother or sister and not to punish and belittle them by way of exposing their faults or ridiculing them. The Prophet (SAW) said:
Actions are but by intentions and each person will have but that which he intended. [Al-Bukhari Book 1, Hadith 1]
Knowledge
Having enough knowledge about the advice we intend to impart is very essential. This is because sincere advice intends to enjoin what is good and forbid what is bad. We, therefore, need enough knowledge about what we are advising else we may be actually forbidding the good, thinking we are forbidding the evil.
Gentleness
We must never sound harsh in our speech and actions in our attempt to advise someone. In fact, there is no better key to unlock the heart than being kind, gentle, soft, and merciful in speech and actions as the Prophet (SAW) said:
Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty, and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it defective. [Muslim, Book 45, Hadith 100]
Allah (SwT) commanded the Prophet (SAW) to be kind, wise, and courteous when calling people to Islam. Allah said:
Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best. Indeed, your Lord is most knowing of who has strayed from His way, and He is most knowing of who is [rightly] guided. (Qur’an 16:125, trans. Sahih International, Qt16:125.)
Maintain Privacy
Al-Fudayl Ibn lyad used to say “the believer veils (the other’s wrong action) and gives sincere good counsel. The wicked person rends open (the veil concealing a fault or wrong action) and reproaches him.” [The Compendium of Knowledge and Wisdom, p. 126-127]. Imam Ibn Rajab Al-Hanbali commented on Al-Fudayl’s words saying,
It is considered an advice if it is done in private while humiliation if it is broadcasted. As for the one who exhorts him in front of people, it is merely scolding.
We all have weaknesses; therefore, giving advice should not involve exposing the personal weaknesses of people. The Prophet (SAW) said, “[For] whoever pursues the shortcomings of people, Allah will pursue theirs.” [At-Tirmidhi]
Avoid Being Judgmental
We should advise but not judge. We should be sincere advisors who guide towards goodness without commanding our advisees to act upon it. We should never attack the other person’s character or personality. Advising is a gentle process, which requires love, mercy, tolerance , and compassion. Therefore, if our way of advising appears harsh and judgmental, then we would end up offending the advisee instead of calling the person to goodness.
Ibn Hazm once said,
One should not advise on the condition that it must be accepted. If one goes beyond this, he will be oppressing [others] not advising, thus seeking obedience and control.
Give Advice as an Act of Worship, Not as a Habit
Give advice as an act of worship where you hope for reward from Allah (SwT), not as a habit where your own mistakes and misdeeds are left unattended to. We should not be part of those who give advice to others just to avoid dealing with their own un-Islamic actions. An important Sufi rule states,
He who is preoccupied with telling others to be good may find no time to be good.
Lead by Example
We should practice what we preach; else we will only be deceiving ourselves as well as angering Allah (SwT). Allah says in the Qur’an,
Great is hatred in the sight of Allah that you say what you do not do. (Qur’an 61:03, trans. Sahih International, Qt61:03.)
Umar ibn Abdul Aziz also said,
The one who grants advice to his brother in matters of faith and concerns himself with mending affairs of his own life has granted an excellent gift and fulfills an obligation that was due him.
Francis Bacon, one of the famous English philosophers, describes the harm of preaching what one does not practice saying,
He that gives good advice builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example builds with both, but he that gives good admonition and bad example builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.
Conclusion
We [as Muslims] need to always remember that Allah (SwT) describes us (Muslims) as helpers, supporters, friends, protectors of one another. Allah says,
The believers, men and women, are Auliya’ (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another. Allah also says, “So remind, if the reminder should benefit; And as of him who fears Allah, he will be reminded; He who fears [ Allah ] will be reminded. but as for the wretched one, he will turn away. But the wretched one will avoid it…” (Qur’an 87:09-11, trans. Sahih International, Qt87:09, Qt87:10, Qt87:11)
Because of this, we should be sincerely concerned about each other and help ourselves and others to prepare for life in the Hereafter. To fulfill this duty, we need to lead by example in ensuring that Islamic teachings and principles are implemented and followed correctly.
It is very important to note that, advice can only be fruitful and effective when it is backed by love and sincerity. One has to win the heart before winning one’s mind.
Lastly, let us remember that human beings are complex, different and may sometimes appear difficult. Therefore, offering sincere advice requires that we employ different strategies and etiquettes for different people depending on their unique circumstances.
May Allah guides us and forgives our trespasses.
References for further reading.
https://aljumuah.com/only-allah-can-judge-me/
http://inspiredmindsmag.com/dont-judge/
https://www.islam21c.com/islamic-thought/how-to-give-advice-without-causing-offence/
https://aboutislam.net/shariah/refine-your-heart/the-art-of-giving-advice-15-tips/
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